Psychological Warfare
I’ve been battling myself psychologically for the past week or so…and seriously, what a waste of time!! Why do we DO this?! LOL! the saying, one step fowards, two steps back really applies here. I don’t want to dance around like an idiot, doing some country two step here, I want to walk…jog…run…in a straight line to my goal.
It has been REALLY hard to get back into the mindset that I was in six or seven or eight weeks ago…and I just couldn’t figure it out. I kept trying and trying. Finally, last night…I declaired war. On myself. It’s really kinda fun because no matter the outcome I win!! LOL! But I really won last night. Or at least the right side of me won!
See…I keep thinking…what if my scale is lying? What if my tape measure is lying? Am I REALLY losing weight? I don’t think I look different. Do I look different? Bad bad thoughts! Because they lead to the inevitable:
“I’m tired…I’ll just skip exercising today…I have no energy. ”
The “I’ll do it tomorrow” or “I’ll do better tomorrow.”
Or “I’m tired…a little chocolate would really help perk me up.”
Or “I’m tired/I work so hard…I -deserve- that chocolate.”
Really, I could keep going. I have the uncanny skill to be able to talk circles around circles…espeically myself! (It’s easy when you ingnore the little voices screaming “No! NO! Don’t DO IT!” LOL!)
But I smacked myself around last night. Sadly, I do mean literally. But hey, if it shakes some of those rocks loose, it’s all good right? It seemed to rattle some stones back into place or out of the damn dam they’d build up blocking my progroess.
And “I can see clearly now….the rain is gone….I can see all obstacles in my way! Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind….gonna be bright…bright…briiiiiight sun shiney day!” (be glad you can actually hear me. My children are laughing hysterically at me! LOL!)
I apolgoize for the long blog, and don’t feel you have to read. It’s mostly going to serve as a reminder to me when I hit this stage again next month or the month after.
It’s easy to get distracted by things happening in life, and lose the focus of losing weight…and then it becomes even harder. Don ‘t we all see this? It’s a lot easier when losing weight is the number one and only focus…but it’s unrealistic that this can keep going for long. So we have to learn to keep going and cope when things crop up to keep us from our routines that help the weightloss…but WE CAN DO IT! Sometimes it’s hard…but there’s no reason we can’t KEEP GOING! Sometimes, though, it helps to remind yourself where you’re coming from, and just where you’re going…
So last night I compared myself to picutres of myself from various weights thru my life. 250, 230, 210, 200, 190, 180, 170…..(notice there’s fewer pictures at the higher weights?? I wonder why that is?!? LOL!) I keep getting down on myself because even though I’ve lost nearly forty pounds…I don’t think I look different (even though my husband likes to nicely throw “Wow, you look slimmer” or “You’re really losing weight” at me right out of the blue…it’s so much nicer when you’re not expecting it!)
I felt like I should look like I was 150 pounds now…but I’m NOT 150 pounds now! LOL! That’s what I need to keep in mind. Yeah, I’ve lost weight…but I still have a LOT to lose to look the way I think I should/can/will. I’m actually nearly at my wedding weight…and I look nearly the same as pictures from there (when I was 10 - 15 pounds lighter)…so I don’t feel bad anymore.
I can keep going baby!! Progress will come if I keep progressing!!
Here’s to PROGRESSING!! Progress baby, progress.
((And, of course, here’s to coffee…the only thing that keeps me sane. COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE! (can you guess where I’m going?? Hmmmn…COFFEE!! )))
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You know, Chai, you are right on it! I was thinking the same thing in reading your yesterday blog as you got to today. It is [art of life - these ups and downs and distractions and to dos and feelings and when we keep going in the face of those then we really are progressing, not towards skinny, but towards real lasting life changes. Every time we get back up and keep trying we are saying, hey i really want to be doing that healthy thing, ive had enough of this other junk. I believe that sometimes we will fall and fail but it really is in the getting back up that we succeed. As always, YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!!!
First, I love that song! You should come sing it karaoke with me sometime! LOL! Now here comes the hard part, ready?
Stop it with the what ifs! You know your scale is working! You know that your tape measure is working. You know that Malc wouldn’t just say it if it weren’t true! And you know that you are going to look so freaking hot in your new leather jacket with the new earrings! With all of that being said, you know that you also inspired a VERY steaming romance novel (I read it too…you go girl!) BTW, kicking your ass is really good exercise for me!
I am waiting for you on the bumpy road…
PS have you looked at your weight graph recently? Really look at it. You know what I see? I steady decline. NO UPS! Be proud of your progress. Okay, now I’m done. (I think)!
thanks for writing this blog……….I knew exactly what you are talking about…….loved the whole thing……..it was what I needed to read today………..make sure you cant the calories that it took to write the blog……nice job…..
Hmmm–coffee–that’s my vice too Chai!!!!! I so could relate to your blog–thank you!!!! I have a new heart rate monitor and even though it tells me I am burning 600 calories during class–instead of being WOOHOO, I have to doubt it and wonder if the thing is working right?? LOL! SOund familiar!!!!! So–here a big cup of Joe to PROGRESS–you keep that progression going girl–you are doing awesome!!!!!!
“And the award for ~Most Motivational Buddy~ goes to……”
(Drumroll please….)
“CHAI!! Chai, can you come up here please and tell everybody what kept you going!”
*A hush falls over the room and Chai is nowhere to be found… the spotlight turns to her seat near the red carpet only to find Chai - head tilted, fast asleep, drooling into her half empty coffee mug*
“Can someone wake up Chai please, I believe her motivational ways have just about wore her slap out!” *you hear a chuckle from the crowd*
The person lucky enough to be seated by Chai reaches over and taps Chai’s shoulder, only to startle the poor lady who belts from her seat singing loudly to the top of her lungs “I’M EVERY WOMAN IT’S ALL IN ME….” Taking a sip of her coffee as she sways to the music in her head Chai realizes she isn’t alone and has a complete look of mortification on her face. The crowd stands to their feet with a standing ovation as the D.J. does a quick dig… soon the familiar sound of Chaka Khan’s voice can be heard playing the old tune as Chai sheepishly runs up the stairs to accept her trophy.
Isn’t it crazy how your body seems to be screaming for Chocolate? If I do this, I can have some…..someone left me a note to “lose weight like your life depended on it” I like that mind set as well.,